Hands up if life is getting stressful
And shout if you are saddened by the news
I need some tips to cope, some data or some anecdotes,
'cause right now nothing's workin' for my blues

Sometimes I deal by playing music
And sometimes I relax by reading books
Sometimes I go downtown, climb a tree, and don't come down
And throw a bunch of pinecones at people

A crowd has formed around my tree,
Just out of reach, and the police have
Blocked the street on every side
But no one can climb it and
I think its 'cause they know I have
A pinecone here for everyone who tries

I yell: I'm gonna live to be a hundred
I'm gonna see them cure disease
Then I'm gonna watch them
Go to war over the royalties so
If you need me, I'll be in the tree
If you need me, I'll be in the tree

There's several cameras pointed up into my tree
It seems the world's concerned with what I might do next…
Throwing pinecones at photographers
From up here in this conifer
Like Tarzan getting scouted by the Mets

Yeah, I'm gonna live to be a thousand
Got robot arms and run on robot feet
Got robot legs and robot head
And my robot ass don't know it yet but
I'd be better off back in the tree
So if you need me, I'll be in the tree…

'Cause no one's asking what would drive me up this pine
Is it protest? Am I being paid to preach or advertise?
No, this non-deciduous decision was all mine
You can show a horse the ropes but no, you cannot make him climb

And this tree's a makeshift metaphor and I prefer to think
I'm just a stressed-out Christmas ornament who needs some space to breathe
And if the camera crews and crowded streets and dozens of police
Are my endless pressures manifested down below my tree

Then this giant stack of pinecones…
They are the lame and immature ways I deal with them
But also how satisfying it is to do so...
To dome one... when they're not looking... yeah

I'm gonna live to be a million
Longer than the flowers, birds, and bees
But if I start to come undone,
Make like a tree and hug someone
Everybody needs a place to breathe
Just recognize when it is time to leave

I'm probably gonna live forever
But should I die (and that may be preferred)
Take me out and bury me
And plant a tree right over me
So I may help someone escape the world
Yeah, I may help someone escape the world


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